Deathbed

Hello, my dear, you’ve come a long way. What a wild ride it’s been, eh?
Looking back it must feel funny – joy, love, achievements, money –
Things I seek now, did it matter – to make our life better?
Memories created, which one is your favourite?
Sorry for the questions, I have inhibitions…
Do you believe something exists after death?
I hope I didn’t leave you with regrets.
That was the fear, to waste away years.
Experiencing chaos, noises –
Would you change any choices?
Listen to more voices?
I hope you are proud.
Fears are allowed.
It’s alright,
Just say
Hi.

A poem for NaPoWriMo day 25. The prompt was to write a poem for a particular occasion and one that came to mind was a last conversation with my future old self. There would be so many emotions, questions, and stories to talk about – yet time would be running out, so I wanted to reflect those limits and urgency in the “countdown” structure of syllables per line. It turned out more morbid than I anticipated, but so writing goes.

What’s up

My blogging has been so inconsistent this year which I blame on the high stresses and demands of grade 12, and I would like a chance to explain myself to the few (you know who you are!) who have been so encouraging about my writing and whose responses bring a smile to my face on a weekly basis. So here are the happenings of my current life:

The booklets they send make you feel accomplished, haha.

I applied to five Canadian universities and received acceptances for Life Science at the University of Guelph, Queen’s University, University of Toronto, University of Waterloo (co-op) and Health Sciences at McMaster University. I picked a general undergrad program because I know I love science and biology but still want to explore and discover in what field I will find my calling. In the end it came down to UofT or Mac, as I got into quite prestigious programs. The VicOne Stowe-Gullen stream is a first year foundational program for biological sciences integrated with art study in philosophy, literature, statistics, etc. and accepts around 20 students per year. Health Science at Mac accepts around 150 students and is closely linked to the medical school. It was a difficult decision but I decided I am not sure I wanted to streamline my studies to medical school so soon and accepted UofT, who also gave me a full scholarship for my first year of study there. However, future planning doesn’t end here as I am deferring this offer for…

In case you didn't know how awesome it is. Photo clearly stolen from Nancy's instagram.

Ballet. You can study for a long time, but your body is only young once. I had to face the fact that if I did not pursue ballet NOW, I would be giving it up as a professional career choice. The difficult thing about dance is that employment is unpredictable and there is no clear path for where your auditions will lead you and for how long you will continue dancing in one place. I decided I was not ready to sacrifice this art form that I love so much. Because I like foolproof plans, this decision was the most difficult I had ever had to make, maybe I will write more about these reflections as a twelfth grader in the future.

And there are final exams in a week! It will be Calculus and Vectors, Music, Advanced Functions, English, Biology, and Chemistry. With last lessons concluded just a few days ago, so studying and scrambling for these last few assignments will be very fun (they say optimism creates more optimism and I sure could not have too much of it at this point)!

At least summer's finally here!

I am also part of an initiative to share dance to public audiences by creating a collaborative work of live art with a composer and visual artist, combining dance, music, and painting – all original stuff by young artists. It is happening next week and will be really cool!

There are also a bunch of events: grad brunch, school BBQ, council meetings, choir summer concerts, year end recital…

All leading to GRADUATION!!!
Which I have had absolutely no time to think about. I think when it rolls around the corner I’ll just be relieved everything is over and it will suddenly hit me that I am finished high school forever.

Wow.

Thanks for reading my absolutely narcissistic post of the year,
thebookybunhead

Walks ’til Magic Hour

Source: photok12.org/?q=node/11

Oh glorious day!
Sunshine blazes through canopies of green, crowds filter into High Park
A blackbird calls, its red and white marks peeking through the brush
Algae foams above the pond, where breezes sweep through the gardens
Strolling a maze of hedges and wading pools
Sit with face to the sky, indulge in quenching fruit salad and gelato
Hike hidden sandy trails imagining a place without city noise
Emerge into picnics, lawn bowling games, and playground cheers
Snapping photos and laughing chats all the way
Have a mini barbecue in shady grass, with softened rays of the dying hours
Contemplating why we work so hard to seclude ourselves from nature,
When we love so much to wallow in it?

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Perfect way to end the long weekend: had an absolutely fantastic time with my family and my only regrets are that I had homework nagging the back of my mind and that I didn’t reapply sunscreen, not because of sunburn, but because it is too soon to already get this tanned. Summer feels so close but so far away, and I am feeling very unmotivated to go back to school and don’t-even-mention exams. I just have to remember to live every moment because before I know it, grade 11 will be finished.

Thanks for reading,
thebookybunhead

Inspiration Collage: For a Special Someone

“Rise above it” Fine Art Print by Amanda Cass

Dedicated to that special Someone: I hope this has spread some sunshine for you and that you know  there are many who are always here for you.

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All these posts are taken from Pinterest, which unfortunately does not always have the best cited sources. For those that do not recognize his style, the poem on the left is written by Shel Silverstein, one of my favourite authors in elementary school. The new genre of combining images and quotes is a great way to inspire and would be fun to create, I imagine. I love collecting so I can read through them in low times.

Life can be tough, and comfort can be found in this medium. Hope some of these resonated with you the way they did to me.

Thanks for reading,
thebookybunhead

What Now?

I haven’t been writing much since the end of NaPoWriMo and to be quite honest with you, I don’t know the answer to this question myself. What I do know is that I cannot wait for summer and that I hope to continue writing in at least these ways:

1. Living up to my name
Posts regarding ballet as an art form, experiences of a dancer, and book reviews will return. An amazing week of a dance festival with 18 different ballet schools has left me inspired, and I am also working on reviews for two graphic novels as well as a funny biography.

2. Scholarly Series
Works I’ve written over the past few years in high school will be shared for anyone in the midst of studying Shakespeare, Lord of the Flies, Paradise Lost, literary devices, and things of that sort. Oh, and I just love the word scholar. I thought it a better replacement for the word ‘school’ or ‘student’.

3. A Big Awards Extravaganza!
It is exactly what it sounds like. Just to give you an idea of just how big, it will take at least 4 parts to be completed. I think it is only fair to share the support and generosity that I’ve received; I have many to thank and spotlight, so stay tuned!

4. Life is unexpectedly surprising
Since starting, I’ve realized that I am inspired to write about everyday occurrences and random thoughts as much as from dancing and reading. Each day can be wonderful, stressful, exhilarating, or serene, and I want to capture some of these moments. So some personal stuff will be scattered around. And yes, that heading title was repetitive.

5. Creativity continues
As I’ve said, my first NaPoWriMo was a lot of fun and I will be writing poems, though inconsistently. I love writing short stories but due to limited time, poems are often a more efficient and equally expressive choice. Creative writing is my favourite kind of writing, and I want to do more of it in the near future.

So as I’m rummaging through a box of themes and ideas, I thank you for your interest and patience in the meanderings of this blog. I know the closer we get to the end of the school year, the busier I will be, but I’ll do my best to write a post every few days.

Thanks for reading,
thebookybunhead

Fortune Cookies (NaPoWriMo #21)

So they hired me as the replacement. Here you go. Some are helpful, most aren’t:

You will acquire a lemon. Most likely yellow or possibly one with wheels.

The next time you face indecision, trust your gut feeling. Unless you’re drunk.

You will almost say “funnest”, realize how gramatically incorrect you would be, and use “most fun” instead. Which isn’t fun at all.

Kindness goes a long way. A slap in the face sometimes does too.

You’ve wondered about who writes these fortunes anyway and how the paper is put inside. You were hoping for an answer.  And are now disappointed.

You will find a pair of really cheap and cute shoes. Someone will grab them before you.

For someone in this world, you are the rainbow after a rainstorm.

For someone in this world, you are the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. (This can be taken symbolically or charmingly literally.)

You are the key to your future. So just eat me.

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So, I tried my best. It gets easier to write the fortunes as you go along. I know this is a late post as far as the official prompts are concerned, but I always say, better late than never. Also, has anyone else ever tried to get the fortune out without breaking the cookie?

Thanks for reading,
thebookybunhead

“We do not inherit the Earth from our ancestors, we borrow it from our children.” -Aboriginal proverb (NaPoWriMo #22)

Take care of our planet
For all its little creatures
We owe them the experience
Of exploring Earth’s natural features
Like blizzards, rainforests, coral reefs
Oceans and skies of bright blue
Take care for everyone who shares this planet
Especially for those who must one day be stewards too.

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I know this one’s cliche, but I love our planet so this butterfly and rainbow thoughts just spew out. Happy Earth Day!

Thanks for reading,
thebookybunhead

Take the pencil (NaPoWriMo #20)

(From quotesnsayings.net)

Like a cyclops wearing an eye patch, we’ve never been able since our birth
To know what has been printed on life’s next chapter
Like a pig snuffling truffle treasure buried deep under the earth
Detectives searching for clues hinting a happily-ever-after

Like a grain of salt in a spoon of sugar, how every choice will affect
Our daily cup of tea or coffee, is an elusive mystery until
The present is a ghost, we watch curled up on the couch to reconnect
Reading the miraculous events recorded from our will

Like holes in swiss cheese, what makes or breaks an ego
Can be answered twice by what we do or what we don’t
Identity as fluid as seaweed in waves, hidden in the gutter – no.
Wait anxiously for the turn of each page? I won’t.

I will be the generator of my own word.
And my story will be heard.

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Life is too short for waiting so take that pencil and write! Fill the blank pages with the future you’ve always dreamed about, because you are the only author of your personal book of life.

Thanks for reading,
thebookybunhead

Angst: What future?

Have you ever reflected upon life and become panicked or overwhelmed with emotion? Okay, maybe that’s just me, but on a sick day there isn’t much you can do other than think. So I do, only to find that the meditative practice reveals to me the enormous scope of things unknown or out of my control and successfully leaves me feeling mentally paralyzed, or just utterly confused.

In the last years of high school, all thoughts seem to drift towards the future that is both exciting and terrifying. It will be a new adventure with new experiences, but I don’t know even the remotest direction I will be taking on this journey. Course selections must be handed in and career planning has started with lists of potential professional companies – so many options and yet it still feels like limited opportunities because you can’t have it all. Preparations are due and the most difficult choices are deciding between what is smart, what you need, and what you want. All these questions offer no easy answers and all I can do is shut my eyes in hoping the future stalls for a while longer and say, “I don’t know.”

Of course I would love to pursue dance directly from graduation, but at current times we have learned how probable that perfect situation is. When asked what company I would be interested in, I can’t help but think, “It’s not about the companies I want, it’s about what companies want me.” And in truth, that’s pretty much how auditions work. But you still have to plan what programs to take to target certain companies and it’s hard when you simply don’t know, yet.

The future for dancers I think is a particularly scary thought because:
a. Shorter preparation time (once you graduate, it’s off to job searching you go!) and b. Requires 100% health, more or less (injuries, mental and physical stresses can upset your career quite easily). For this a Plan B is required. And this is where academic choices join the chaos brewing in my mind.

Being in a non-conventional school makes planning for university a bit different. Because there are only 20 students in every grade, scheduling desired electives can be very tough. And often I feel so out of par when hearing of other high-schoolers’ achievements in extracurricular clubs, overflowing numbers of credits and volunteer hours, and highly articulated plans for entering the Ivy league university of their choice. I had trouble deciding courses, and still don’t know what branch of study I would focus on, much less the university I would pick as my home for several, educating years.

Dance, school, work, the future. It all feels both so close and far away at the same time. Flurries continue to fall on Toronto leaving behind a fresh, new layer of white covering the rooftops, tree branches, and lawns of the neighbourhood. I see the clean, blank, white sheet the way I see my future. There are no expectations, self-help directions, or hints of the season to come. But there is every opportunity and chance, you just have to find them underneath all the fluff.

In the end, the future will always be unknown and we will always be waiting for the next surprise that life will dish out, so we might as well enjoy every moment for what it’s worth and forget to dwell on anticipated events determined by external forces. Life unravels as it wants, and sometimes we gotta just hang on, grab a buddy, and go with the flow.

After all, “Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift, that’s why it’s called the present.”

(If you know the origin of this famous quote, do not hesitate to let me know in the comments 🙂

Thanks for reading this madness.
Have a nice day,
thebookybunhead